loving my (future) husband

hi yules :)
i finished the second chapter yesterday :D
i'm so grateful that she wrote about this. ha, i think it's safe to say that i'm looking forward to getting married and all, but honestly, when i think about the married life itself, i kinda get apprehensive. NOT that you guys don't display the beauty of a God-centered marriage, but i think having the opportunity to watch your and yuyeon's marriages have shaped a lot of how i perceive marriage. on the one hand, i'm so grateful for having older sisters, because i know that marriage can be full of love, growth, fellowship, and above all, a joined striving for the things of the Lord. but on the other, i know that marriage is hard, and if anything, i'll struggle and deal with more after i get married. :( and this scares me. i feel like i should be expecting marriage to be great, but as of right now, i feel like i *know* it's not going to be all that wonderful. :( is that bad?
i also feel apprehensive because i fear that i will become a loveless wife. i know my tendency is to take for granted those i love, and unless they meet *my* needs and *my* expectations, unless they are like-minded with *my* convictions, then it is difficult for me to show tenderness and affection. "they obviously do not respect their husbands. They certainly do not have tender feelings for them. Yet that does not hinder these women from continuing to wash their husbands' clothes, cook their meals, and clean the house for them." i don't want to be one of these women!!
in any case, i'm glad that the Lord has allowed me to read this chapter, because it really addressed a lot of my apprehensions. her talking about our sinfulness in expectations and self-centeredness confirms that marriage will indeed have its share of struggles and difficulties, but this quote really put things into perspective for me - "Although we both are sinners, God is using our marriage to help us grow in godliness. In fact, our husbands' particular sins, unique weaknesses, and even their idiosyncracies are tailor made for us. Likewise, our sins and weaknesses are custom designed for them. Both husbands and wives will become more Christlike by having to deal with each other's sins and deficiencies."
this really hit me! God is, even now, sovereignly working in our own individual lives to shape us to be the people, sins and all, He desires us to be when we meet and marry. He is molding the two of us to complement one another, not only in strengths, but in weaknesses also, that we may more efficiently glorify Him together. even more than this, our having to encounter each others sins is not a bad thing, but a blessed opportunity to glorify Him through our love and graciousness for one another. through it, He gives us the chance to grow in prayer, service, and accountability, all for His sake. :D coool!
i pray that i may always keep my eyes and heart upon the Savior, whether as a single, or a married woman. may we approach sins, whether our own or another's, not with fear and anxiety, but with great rejoicing that in our weaknesses, He is strong, in our inabilities, He is sufficient, in our faithlessness, He is ever faithful.
on to chapter three!